justified freely

Free. It's such a foreign word to me. Maybe it's because of the world we live in today. Nothing is free. It seems the motto of this world is what's in it for me. As a Christian, I fear I fall into this mindset so easily. Such a dangerous one too for so many reasons. Lately, I've been noticing it so much in myself. Righteousness seems like something I need to earn, something I need to work at. Nothing, nothing in this life, not even the most good I can do or be will ever earn me godly righteousness. Righteousness only comes from Christ, and the exchange He made on the cross. My unrighteousness for His righteousness. And what does it cost? Nothing but faith. Faith that I can be made righteous through His shed blood. Faith that He is the son of God, and that He came to save me, and He would have come even if I was the only one who needed saving. "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus: whom God hath set forth to be a propitiation through faith in his blood, to declare his righteousness for the remission of sins that are past, through the forbearance of God; to declare, I say, at this time his righteousness: that he might be just and the justifier of him which believeth in Jesus." Romans 3:23-26 How unfathomable this concept is to me! In my human mind, righteousness comes from how good I've been. "For they being ignorant of God's righteousness, and going about to establish their own righteousness, have not submitted themselves unto the righteousness of God." Romans 10:3 Some days I feel more righteous that others. There are days I fail. There are days that come much easier for me. Thankfully, the righteousness of Jesus is steadfast and unchanging. "Thy righteousness is an everlasting righteousness…"Psalm 119:142 Another reason I believe I struggle with the concept that righteousness has nothing to do with my working, is the fact that I feel the need to prove myself and my abilities. At work, I have co-workers who I feel the need to prove myself to. Partly because I seem to never be good enough in their eyes, and partly because I want them to know I am capable of the job I have. I feel like there is a constant battle of me wanting to prove myself, but also the threat of giving up because I will never be good enough. I feel like this mindset rolls itself right into my spiritual life. There are times when I do good, and I have the desire to show God, "See what I did? Aren't You proud of me for overcoming this or doing this?" And then there is also the point where I want to give up, because nothing I do of myself will ever make me righteous. Righteousness is an act of submission. Until I can submit myself to the fact that righteousness only comes from Christ, I will never find peace. Peace is a fruit of Christ's righteousness. Knowing that because of His blood, I am made free from sin. "And the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance for ever." Isaiah 32:17